What Is Desire Mapping?

Amazingness.  Discovering who you are, who you want to be, and a way to get you there!

We start with figuring out where you are.  What’s going right with your life?  What’s not?

Then we think about where we might like to go with our lives!  (maybe, we’ll see)

Then, we dive deep into our core and discover what the true feelings we want to feel every day.

By discovering how you want to feel making decisions becomes so much easier!  I’ll use me as an example.

In my lifestyle I want to feel enthusiastic!

In my body/health I want to feel free.

In my creativity/education I want to feel passionate.

In my relationships I want to feel connected.

In my spirituality I want to feel connected.

So if I’m looking at a choice for what to eat I just ask myself, “Which one of these choices will give me more of a free feeling in my body?” Or if I’m considering taking a class I ask myself, does this class or what I’ll learn from it bring out my passion?

It’s a pretty easy process and a super important step in the health coaching process.

Thank you Danielle LaPorte for creating such a valuable tool!

What I Learned From Trying The Whole 30

So wow.  Seriously.  I was starting to think I had no will power at all!  I was so ashamed of myself.  6 days into The Whole 30 I justified movie theater popcorn and a sprite because I was doing something fun with my kids by taking them to the theaters.  Then 8 days in I was overwhelmed and decided a muffin was ok.

Wait a minute.  What’s going on here?

Five days into The Whole 30 I had lost 8 lbs and could really see a difference.  Why, then, was I sabotaging myself?  It was obviously working.

I’ll give you a hint, it’s not about will power.  I can have some serious will power when needed.

It’s because I got to the point that I hated what I saw in the mirror.  I hated the way I looked, the way I moved, and the way I felt.  I wanted to change because of hatred…  then I found a diet plan that was about serious restriction and deprivation.  Makes sense to deprive what you hate of the things it enjoys.

Unfortunately, I hated me and I was depriving me.

I seriously and literally laughed at myself.  I know better than this.  I, we, come from a place of love.  To make real change we have to start in a place of love.

So I’m officially not on the Whole 30 any more.  It’s a great plan to detox and heal your body but that wasn’t why I was on it.

I described The Whole 30 as seriously restrictive; however, that’s only one angle of it.  It’s a way of feeding a body you love the foods that heal it.  So, I’m going to remain dairy free and greatly limit processed foods because both of those things were working for me.  I’m going to limit grains and beans but because I don’t like eating as much meat as I’ve been eating I’m going to incorporate those back into my meal plans.

I learned that I obviously have a long way to go to accept and love the whole of me.  That’s so frustrating but very good to know.

 

Routines

If you feel inconsistent, lost, or like you’re moving backwards this post is for you!  I’m going to tell you how I manage to keep moving forward despite having Borderline Personality Disorder and dropping into low depression swings or high anxiety swings.

I’m 35 and I’ve struggled with severe mood swings pretty much since puberty at age 12.  I tried medication and therapy but neither really worked for me.  I definitely use coping skills I learned in therapy, but ultimately it was my routines that saved me.

I’ll warn you, I’m slightly OCD (actually diagnosed by a professional, not just everyone who knows me agreeing on it).  So my routines may seem a little over the top to some of you.

When I first started making routines I tried to schedule everything.  I mean EVERYTHING.  It was overwhelming and impossible to maintain.  My best advice is to take it slow and don’t add on until you’ve created actual habits.  Meaning if you still have to write it down or set alarms for it then you aren’t ready to add another routine.

You can either start with a wake up routine or go to bed routine.  Both are equally important and since they are usually short and simple to do you might even be able to do them both starting the same day.

My “Go to bed ” routine is simple, turn out the lights, turn off the fans, put the dogs up, get into bed and read a little, check my alarm clock, state my evening intention, and go to sleep.  Every night.  Without fail.  My evening intention comes from the same place my morning routine comes from: The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod.  Typically I say something like, “Thank you for this day full of joy and growing opportunities.  I let go of things that I no longer need and welcome sleep.  I’ll wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day.”  How many times have you woken up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day?  How about when you get woken up several times a night by a 4 month old that needs to nurse?  I can honestly say, most mornings I wake up naturally before my alarm goes off (at 4:30 AM) and feeling a little antsy to start my morning routine.  To be fair, I lay down at 7 PM to put my baby to sleep, though I’m not typically falling asleep until 8:30 or 9.

My morning routine is my life saver (if you know about Miracle Mornings you’ll giggle at that).  My alarm goes off and I meditate (often with the baby nursing in a side lying position).  After meditation I’ll typically read for at least ten minutes while my baby finishes nursing and then play with her for a few minutes and make sure she’s happy and full and I’ll get her changed and dressed.  Then I do 30 minutes of yoga while my coffee is making and my steel cut oats are cooking (good for lactation).  After yoga I write in my Bullet Journal and gratitude journal and eat my oatmeal and drink my coffee.  I announce my affirmation and spend a few minutes visualizing achieving my goals and where I want to go with my life and add things to my bullet journal (again) that will bring me closer to my goals.  By this time I usually have to get ready for work which starts even more routines.  I can’t stress enough how important having a good morning routine is.  It sets your whole day up for success and gives you energy and a positive attitude.

Another valuable place to have routine is with your food.  A lot of people struggle with coming up with new ideas to eat healthy.  Currently, for me breakfast is easy because it’s oatmeal to help with lactation.  I also do a protein shake on the way to work because there’s several hours from when I wake up to when I leave for work.  When I’m not eating oatmeal I will cook two eggs and eat an avocado with it or do greek yogurt with some homemade granola and berries.  I also have a delicious recipe for overnight oats that is packed with protein and fiber.  That’s about all I’ll eat for breakfast except Sundays when I have my soul food.  Lunch is another super easy one: salad or 1 bell pepper, 1 avocado, a handful of baby carrots, and hummus.  I’ll sometimes switch up the veggies or add a fruit or a hard boiled egg but it’s always something full of veggies with a protein source.  Dinners are similar: a serving or protein and two servings of veggies.  I’m lucky because my oldest son wants to be a chef so he loves to cook dinner.  There’s no casseroles or complicated dishes.  Grocery shopping is simple, cooking is simple, meal prep is simple.  It all flows nicely.  That way when I have an overwhelming day and I’m full of anxiety I don’t have to stress over what I’m making for dinner and I know it’s not going to take a long time to make.

Some of the other little routines I have keep me on track.  I take my supplements when I make my shake.  Literally if I choose to not have a shake in the morning I forget my supplements because I’ve tied taking them to my shake.  I workout when I get home from work while my kids are doing homework.  After dinner I hula hoop with my daughters (obviously the baby is just along to watch).  After I drop my kids off at school I listen to a personal development audio book.  These are all little things that are habitual now.  What that means is when I dive head first in the shallow end into a depression I don’t have to think about my self care routines.  They are habits, I do them automatically and they help keep me afloat until the swing passes.

To close out: start with a morning and evening routine to ensure you sleep well and wake up with the best start of your day, important self care routines can be combined with habits you already have (affirmation while you brush your hair, visualization in the shower, filling your water bottle while you make your coffee), don’t start too many new routines at once (like only one or two at a time and don’t add another until you have made your older ones habits), and be gentle with yourself.  Many people have days where they only get out of bed for their coffee and to use the restroom.  It happens.  Don’t live in your perceived short comings.  Move through them and then move on.

Living the Life You Love While Being Healthy

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I just recently found out that a beautiful spark of life and dear friend of mine has been taken off cancer treatment and put on Hospice.  She was also my first Health Coaching client several years ago when I first graduated from school.  She’s an amazing person who has had a dramatic impact on my life and has helped me grow tremendously as a person.  So, while I am supposed to be blogging about sugar this week, I decided to pause a moment and remind everyone that our lives are not about always being the best and healthiest.  We have to enjoy them as well.  Creating amazing health really is about feeling better so we can enjoy our lives more.

This is why the Wheel of Life exercise is so important.  It’s so easy to get caught up in our health, professional, or educational goals that we forget to stop and smell the roses.  Taking a comprehensive look at our lives, all areas of them, we can determine where we need to put forth more effort.

In addition to that, this effort we are putting forth, needs to be something that we enjoy.  Don’t eat food you hate “because it’s healthy”.  Don’t do a workout you hate because you get the best results.  You’ll hear me say all the time that I love to hate Focus T25 because it pushes me and I use several swear words throughout the program because it’s really hard.  I; however, love how I feel after accomplishing it.  So the short term discomfort gives me long term gains and makes my life better.  When deciding where to put your efforts, you need to evaluate the difficult things this way.  Are they going to add value to your life?  Will you eventually be able to find more joy?

Sometimes, just sometimes, you also get to just do things you enjoy regardless of your goals.  Actually, you can do this whenever.  I love coffee, with lots of cream and sugar.  I don’t over do it because too much sugar or too much caffeine makes me feel yucky afterwards.  That one cup a day I do enjoy, though, I thoroughly enjoy.  I love the way it tastes, I love the little pick me up it gives me, I love the camaraderie I have with others who are also addicted to coffee.

So while you are doing amazing things while being focused on your goals, don’t forget to live the life you love as well.  Find ways to accomplish your goals while enjoying what you’re doing.